I write to know I’m alive, to feel my aliveness and to save a life … certainly my own and perhaps someone else. I write because life is a journey. That life is a journey is a distinction that oft times gets lost in the middle of the night when my demons relentlessly tear at my psyche and the wrong end of gun seems like the only way to quiet them.
Don’t call 9-1-1. I have no intention of killing myself. I appreciate life and can usually do an adequate job of putting one foot in front of the other to meet life’s challenges. For me, Robin Williams was a real wake up call. No one is immune to the darkness … no matter how fabulous or fulfilling your life may be. This is a battle I cannot win; I can only set my intentions to carry on with my day. Depression, suicidal thoughts, PTSD, anxiety and panic … my particular cocktail of stormy weather will always be with me. The wolf scratching at the door.
I write because this is the path to my sobriety if you will. This is my AA meeting. I write because no one should suffer in silence. In this life, one has to do for themselves but no one should journey alone.