I long ago recognized the insanity of setting New Year’s resolutions … mine never seemed to flourish beyond the first two weeks.
This doesn’t mean that I go into the New Year adrift and without direction. It’s just that I prefer a more organic and wholistic approach to the changes I desire. I prefer to begin within by putting my focus on nurturing and cultivating the intentions that will ultimately, I hope, drive the choices and behaviors that will manifest my goals.
I’m quite certain Rilke was talking about intentions when he counseled his young poet friend:
“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”
Intentions let me focus on the being/becoming side of the equation. I finally had to reconcile that I’m not a robot that can simply program myself to certain behaviors. As a human being I need a much deeper exploration for what it takes to successfully address the challenges life throws my way. My inner terrain is complicated and I need to bring all of me to the table, to the exploration, to the conversation, to the challenge. I think of it as priming my internal compass; if I am to to be successful then I need to get all of me on board … heart, soul, spirit, and psyche (my thinking & feeling selves).
That said, I have high hopes and grandiose intentions for 2016. I hope to end this year barely recognizing the person I am today. These past few years I’ve been focusing on the cracks in my foundation and now it’s time for me to shed my reclusive ways. I feel naked and exposed speaking those words aloud but I know it’s precisely why it must be done. It’s time for me to stop hiding.
My first tangible steps in that direction have been to mail in my application to the county extension office for a master gardening class that begins the end of this month. My hope is to slowly transform my yard into an edible landscape and I hope this class will give me the tools to walk that path. I will keep you posted.
Thanks for listening. Thanks for sharing in my journey.